Struggling with your OSCEs? Want to ensure a spectacular failure? The Objective Structured Clinical Examinations (OSCEs) are designed to assess your clinical knowledge, communication skills, and practical abilities—but if passing sounds overrated, we’ve got you covered. In this tongue-in-cheek guide, we outline the ultimate steps to failing your OSCEs with style, from skipping lectures to ignoring basic professionalism. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or secretly hoping to avoid these common mistakes, read on to discover what not to do in your next clinical exam!
The OSCEs (Objective Structured Clinical Examinations) are designed to test your clinical knowledge, communication skills, and practical abilities. However, if you’re determined to fail spectacularly, follow these foolproof steps. Here’s a definitive guide to ensuring you crash and burn in your exams.
1. Avoid Defining Your Goals
Success requires vision and motivation, so if you want to fail, make sure you have neither.
• Never think about what passing the OSCEs would mean for your future.
• Avoid setting any academic or personal goals—why bother?
• Surround yourself with negative people who constantly remind you how hard medical school is.
• Ignore feedback from tutors and clinical educators; constructive criticism is for people who want to improve.
2. Skip Lectures and Clinical Placements
Why attend when you can just wing it?
• Sleep in and avoid any sessions where key skills are taught.
• If you do show up, make sure you sit at the back and scroll through social media instead of paying attention.
• Dismiss any hands-on practice opportunities—after all, YouTube videos the night before should be enough, right?
• Assume that if you’ve seen a procedure once, you’ll be able to perform it flawlessly under exam conditions.
3. Procrastinate on Revision
Cramming the night before is a time-honored tradition among those who love unnecessary stress.
• Make an ambitious revision timetable but never follow it.
• Convince yourself that “tomorrow” is the best time to start revising.
• Prioritize absolutely everything else—your room has never been cleaner, your social life is thriving, and that new Netflix series suddenly seems essential.
• If you do study, make sure it’s unfocused. Jump between topics randomly and avoid practicing clinical scenarios.
4. Embrace Pessimism and Panic
A positive mindset is for people who want to pass. Instead, try these:
• Constantly remind yourself that the OSCEs are impossible and that failure is inevitable.
• Compare yourself to your peers and assume they are all geniuses while you are hopeless.
• The night before the exam, stay up as late as possible, worrying about everything that could go wrong.
• Avoid relaxation techniques—who needs deep breathing when you can hyperventilate?
5. Arrive Unprepared and Late
First impressions count, so make sure yours is a disaster.
• Sleep through your alarm and rush in at the last minute, looking stressed and disheveled.
• Forget to bring essential items—leave your stethoscope, watch, and student ID at home.
• If there’s a briefing before the exam, don’t listen. Assume you already know everything, even if you don’t.
6. Skim Through Questions Without Reading Properly
Time is precious—why waste it actually understanding what you’re supposed to do?
• When you reach a station, glance at the task briefly but don’t read it properly.
• Ignore any specific instructions—just start doing whatever feels right in the moment.
• Assume you know the diagnosis before asking any questions. Jump straight to a treatment plan based on a wild guess.
• If you realize halfway through that you’ve misread the question, panic and freeze instead of adapting.
7. Ignore Basic Communication Skills
Patients and examiners love an awkward, confusing interaction.
• Mumble your introduction at lightning speed so no one can understand you.
• Forget to introduce yourself or ask for the patient’s name.
• Speak in complex medical jargon that a layperson wouldn’t understand—after all, it makes you sound more intelligent.
• Avoid eye contact completely, or better yet, stare at the examiner instead of the patient.
• Interrupt the patient constantly and ignore any verbal or non-verbal cues.
8. Have No Structure in Your Examinations
A well-organized approach is overrated. Instead:
• Jump between different parts of a clinical examination with no logical order.
• Skip key steps in examinations—why bother with palpation when percussion is more fun?
• Forget to wash your hands before starting. If challenged, argue that hand hygiene is just a suggestion.
• Perform an overly detailed examination of irrelevant systems while ignoring the main issue.
• If you’re unsure what to do next, just stand there in silence and hope for divine inspiration.
9. Disregard Time Management
Running out of time is a great way to fail.
• Spend the first few minutes over-explaining one minor detail, then rush through the rest in a panic.
• Ignore any time warnings given by the examiner—pretend you didn’t hear them.
• Get distracted by small talk and completely forget about finishing the task.
• When time is up, argue with the examiner and demand extra time.
10. Ignore Note-Taking and Preparation
If there’s an opportunity to jot down key details, make sure you don’t take it.
• If notes are allowed outside a station, don’t use them—your memory is flawless, right?
• Scribble down everything in an unreadable mess so that even you can’t decipher it.
• If given patient results, lab reports, or ECGs, don’t analyze them properly. Just make a wild guess.
• Assume the examiner will remind you of important details instead of reviewing them yourself.
11. Disregard Professionalism
Acting unprofessional is a guaranteed way to leave a bad impression.
• Dress inappropriately—trainers, jeans, or scrubs covered in coffee stains are great choices.
• Be overly casual or, even better, be rude to the patient and examiner.
• Roll your eyes or sigh dramatically when faced with a difficult scenario.
• If challenged, argue with the examiner rather than acknowledging any mistakes.
12. React Poorly to Mistakes
Mistakes happen—but handling them badly can seal your failure.
• If you make an error, panic and let it ruin the rest of your station.
• Blame the patient for not giving the “right” answers instead of adapting.
• Instead of correcting yourself, double down on incorrect information.
• If the examiner prompts you, ignore them or respond defensively.
Final Thoughts
By following these foolproof tips, you’re almost guaranteed to fail your OSCEs in the most spectacular fashion. But if, for some strange reason, you actually want to pass, simply do the opposite—prepare well, stay calm, communicate effectively, and practice, practice, practice.
Good luck (or bad luck, depending on which approach you choose)!
Contact Meducate Academy today to take your training programs to the next level.
For an informal chat please get in touch with me: bobspour@meducateacademy.com or on 07870 611850
